Category Archives: online dating

Pros and Cons of online dating

Pros and Cons of Online Dating

Many of my Mingle Around clients and singles that I know ask me about my thoughts on online or internet dating and I’m always happy to share my opinion!

Online dating con # 1.

 False Advertising – At least when you’re at a singles event or out at the bar with friends, what you see is what you get….. Unless he’s wearing lifts or she’s sporting a “booty bump” – there won’t be major surprises (at least in the attraction department) on your first date.

Online dating con #2.

Time Wasting– You’ll spend an average of four-six hours texting, emailing, calling and winking at your potential date before a real date is set up. Then add up the time you take to get ready for the date, the commute to the location and then the average two-to-three hour date just to realize there isn’t chemistry (even though he/she may be just as good looking as the photo) and you’re looking at a lot of time and energy wasted.

Online dating con #3.

Privacy- What happens on the internet stays on the internet… FOREVER. The questions that some of the top online dating sites ask are intimate. Some of the questions they ask you- I wouldn’t even ask my closest girlfriends….But people are more than happy to share share and share with little thought of who will see these answers in the future.

Online dating con #4.

Your Boss– Speaking of privacy, you might not want match.com to “match” you with your co-worker or brother. I’ve heard horror stories of both. Makes for awkward family dinners and board meetings. Not only is your profile up for everyone to see but you don’t know who’s profile you’ll run into on your quest for true love.

Don’t think I’m a hater of online dating. I’m not, there are some great reasons to date online. Just don’t make online dating your only source of finding love!

Pros-

Online dating pro #1.

Gets your feet wet- Many of my clients are recently divorced and are nervous about dating for the first time in years. Try out online dating; the fear of rejection is lowered due to the anonymity of being online. Online dating can be a great way to boost your confidence, especially for woman as the ratio of men:women on these sites lean to the favor of the single female.

Online dating pro #2.

You get to BE SPECIFIC- For those of you who ONLY want to date a Jewish man over 6 foot or a Catholic female who lives 30 miles south of Chicago, online dating can help you narrow your search. There are niche sites for all religions, fetishes, hobbies, ages, and races.

Online dating pro #3.

Cost- It’s typically cheaper to “online date” then to visit a matchmaker or to spend every weekend out at a bar or social event.

Online dating pro #4 .

Deal Breakers- Get to know someone a little more before making your “move”. It’s kinda cool to read the profile of a hottie to scour it for “Deal Breakers” before deciding to pursue them online or not. You can’t really do that at a bar without approaching them, flirting, buying them a drink or two and then trying to get to know them. Plus it’s a dating rule that you shouldn’t ask about many “deal breakers” on a first date, let alone the first five minutes… It’s not like you can just say “hi my name is Jill- do you smoke, have kids, what’s your religion, would you rather read a book or go to a club, and do you like your mom?” Awkward!!!

Good luck on your search for love, lust and happiness. Remember, Mingle Around hosts singles events where you can meet singles in real life— not the internet!

 

 

 

You’re so vain. I bet you think this post is about you.

Girl at computer

Searching for love in all the wrong places.

Online dating can and will break even the most self-confident person down. Winking, gifting, messaging, viewing and chatting with someone (or lots of someones) that are interested one day and gone the next can be frustrating and might cause a sort of confidence bust.

I’m here to tell you that it shouldn’t. Online dating is the freak show of the dating world. Really popular, fun to watch and can be even more fun to participate. You’ve got 1,000’s of people listed as single. A smorgashboard of potential suitors. The choices can be just too much. Today you can e-mail men who make over $1,000,000 a year and don’t have children. Tomorrow you can email only men who are artists and live at home with mom and dad. Too much choice can be debilitating.

I’ll never be able to explain why people don’t return the wink or the e-mail. I don’t want to. There would be over a million reasons explaining it, but chances are it wasn’t about you. Maybe she only dates black men. Maybe she is looking for someone with kids. Maybe she hates dogs and you’ve got one in the photo. Maybe she hooked up with her ex boyfriend last night and is hoping that will pan out. Maybe she only dates PhD’s. Maybe she’s only online to make her ex jealous.

Who knows. Who cares?

yeah. I know, you do.

Just keep at it. Don’t let online dating be your only social networking though. It can start to be demoralizing. People can be crueller online, thinking they are hiding behind a wall of security because you aren’t face to face. People can also be who ever they want to be online. They can be the conceited bitch or the player, even if in real life they are pussy cats or guys who let the last girlfriend walk all over them.

If you are constantly rejected online take a close look at your profile. Have an honest friend review it. Did you say something that makes you look like a total ass? Does your profile picture of you in a giant funny fake mustache (really popular for girls on OKcupid I’ve noticed) kinda make you look like a freak? Tweak the profile. Change your approach. If something isn’t working don’t keep doing it. But please, don’t give up on dating, just because your online dating world isn’t holding up to what you hoped it would be. Remember in on-line and off-line dating it isn’t always about you.

Get out of the house, get off the internet and Mingle with local singles. Really. You don’t have to be at a dating event (even though MingleAround does have some great ones coming up!). You can mingle at the supermarket, the zoo, the movies, the art gallery. You can mingle at work (proceed with caution) or at your friends upcoming birthday party. Just get out and do it.