Going Dutch on a first date?

I recently posted the questions on my facebook page “If you went dutch on a first date, would there be a second?” and had over 50 comments and about 35 e-mails with local Chicago singles opinions.

From a male – “Dutch is code for cheapskate”

From a female – ” There wouldn’t even be a walk to my front door”

From a female – “I would not go Dutch if I even hear the word Dutch I’d most likely order the most expensive thing on the menu and came the bill, I’d stiff him with it and lastly run!”

From a male – ” I know I’m going to get flamed for this BUT, what’s wrong with dutch on the first date? Call it even predate, but the point is, isn’t the inference of the man being expected to pay is that he isn’t worth taking an hour or tow to get to know… unless he bribes you too! Or inferring that the woman is so fantastic that the man should have to prove himself before a first conversation? It made sense more so in history because there was a time women didn’t have either jobs or careers and NEEDED by necessity (hence the forming of tradition) to find a suitable mate to provide for her life and lifestyle. But in an era of equality of treatment and expectations, is it right to have more than equal expectations? I’m not sating don’t take it if offered, by all means, but expected, when so many other traditions have changed? Many of the traditions that benefited one gender or the other has shifted since the sexual revolution so should expectations. And don’t read this as my being cheap: once I’ve been on the first date or two, I know that she is spending time with me because she likes or is attracted to me, not for an expense paid time out. Also, how many first dates have you been on that didn’t work out? Now imagine paying for the both of you each time: wouldn’t put yourself out there very much would you? And to those who say “If you’re not able to or willing to pay…don’t go on dates”…I say that is as ridiculous and offensive as telling a woman that she needs to be demure, not contradict him and let her date be in charge (also a part of tradition, as dated as it is).”

From a female -” All of which is depending on the situation once again… if you date has discussed any type of financial struggles or career changes etc. it would be rude to expect someone to pay for something they can not necessarily afford etc”

So, it appears that dating in 2011 does not have a set of rules that our parents and grandparents had. Thank God, right?!   Who needs set rules on matters of the heart?  My mother always taught me to bring enough cash with me on a date to pay my own way. Never assume anything (you’ll make an ass out of U and ME). Order what you would normally order and offer to pay your half when the bill arrives. If he takes you up on the offer to pay- pay graciously and never see that cheapskate again because his mother never taught him manners (her words, not mine). 

A common occurance is a “pre date” that occurs in a coffee shop or pub. Its an easy, short, relaxed date that typically occurs after meeting your potential love match online. Typically you order your own beer or coffee, pay your own tab and talk for a bit. Easy, right? No expectations, no worries about what rules to follow when the bill arrives.

What do you guys think?

Jill

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